grandilloquism

Title: An Exploration; part seven
Author: grandilloquism 
Rating: PG
Summary: Long-term Hogwarts fic, first year through seventh.
Author's Notes: No posts for two weeks and this one's a touch late.  I apologize, I hadn't meant to leave it this long.  Especially since this one has been ready for so long (though still in need of beta-ing).


IX

   "Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow."
     -from Aesop's Fables, The Dog and the Shadow

    27 May, 1972

    “I just don’t understand why you’re leaving so close to exams!” 

    It’s the night before the full moon, the last weekend before exams, and the four of them are spread out on the soft grass, enjoying the first truly warm night.  Or, they were, rather, before Peter had asked innocently how Remus' mum was doing and Remus had replied that Dumbledore was allowing him to visit her, tomorrow.

    “You’ll be home again in less than two week,” Sirius continues.  Making such logical sense that Remus wants to hit him.  “How can Dumbledore agree to this?” 

    Remus stays quiet, pursing his lips and staring up at the almost full swell of the moon.  It’s so close he can already feel the tug of it on his bones, his own personal tide.  Some part of him wants to explain at this moment, wants to tell his friends what he is, why he has to go away.  He wouldn’t even have to say it outright, he thinks, his friends are clever enough.  An innocent remark, ‘The moon’s awfully full tonight.’  Something to put their brain’s on the right train of thought and his secret wouldn’t last through summer.  He bites the inside of his cheek, keeping silent.  Sirius continues his tirade for another ten minutes, silencing finally when James throws himself bodily at Sirius, effectively knocking the wind out of him and beginning an Epic Battle. 

    Remus reminds himself how much he loves having friends.
 

    He knows to wait for the quiet slip of fabric, the soft puff of chill air as Sirius opens his curtains and slips under his blanket.  They watch each other quietly for a few moments before Sirius breaks eye contact, staring down at the mattress.  “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

    This was as close as Sirius had yet come to uttering an actual apology, Remus nods, accepting the intent behind the words,
“You didn’t, not really.”

    Sirius nods slowly and shifts so he’s staring up at the bedposts.  “Tell me a story,” he asks softly.

    Remus would laugh if he didn’t think Sirius would glare and leave, or worse, retreat behind some indifferent mask.  “Anything in particular?”

    Sirius thinks for a long time before shaking his head, “No.”  And then, “Something muggle,” he corrects.

    Remus nods and casts around for something he hadn’t told Sirius yet.  He’d have to stock up over the summer, if Sirius kept at this.  “Okay,” Remus says, deciding finally, “Once there was a miller who was poor, but who had a beautiful daughter.  One morning it happened that he was summoned to speak with the King, and in order to make himself appear important he said to him ‘I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold…’”


    June, 1972
   
    Exams steadily crept up on them.  Herbology and then Charms, Transfiguration and Astronomy, History of Magic and Potions, and then there was just Defence and it was over.  Remus managed to get the four of them into the library and Sirius managed to get them all out, immediately, to the trees by the lake.  They alternated between studying, skipping stones, and wondering why going home didn’t sound quite as good as it had a month ago. 

    “I will die,” declares Sirius the night after their Defence exam, as overly dramatic as he was nine months ago.
 
    “I doubt they’ll kill you,” James says, grinning.  “Who’d they have then?  Regulus?”  He shakes his head, “He’s nowhere near mad enough to be heir.”

    “Oi!” Sirius shouts, not sure whether he’s insulted for himself or his brother.  Remus thinks that if anyone but James had said that, Sirius’ nose would have another bump.  Instead he just turns his face up to the sky.  They’ve been out here for ages, the moment their Defence teacher had excused them they‘d rushed for the quiet halfway point between the lake and the forest they‘d spent hours at since the weather turned warm.  Remus thinks it must be past midnight by now; he can see the tiny sliver of moon and the stars look huge and bright against its slim light. 

    “Pegasus is finally out,” Remus says, studying the constellation on the horizon.  He expects for James and Sirius to tell him that lessons are finished for the term and can he please stop?  Instead Sirius stops tugging on his hair and looks to the east, he can just make out the horse’s hooves over the line of trees.

    “He’ll be in the middle of the sky by September,” Sirius frowns and starts pulling on his hair again.  There’s something vastly profound in that Remus thinks, in this, in the way the stars move and in the way four boys forced together in one room can grow like brothers and still have to go home to see their families. 

   
    The last full day at Hogwarts is lazy, students laying out by the lake, chatting and making plans for summer.  Trunks are packed and repacked, lost items of clothes are found and dusty socks are tugged out from underneath beds. 

    The Great Hall is covered in Gryffindor colours; Quidditch Cup and House Cup this year and the Gryffindor table is screaming out boisterous cheers between cakes and sweets and puddings.  The four first year boys are sitting in the middle of the table, students pressed tight to their elbows.  Sirius takes a moment to bask in the joy and closeness of the table before turning to James and starting another joyous (Manly) shout.

    A year, Sirius thinks, elated.  A year of being a Gryffindor.  Of being Manly and Brilliant.  He grins at Remus sitting next to him and he’s about to start another cheer when the food disappears off the gleaming plates and a slow silence descends through the hall, ending as the last Gryffindor shout trails off in echos to the ceiling.

    Dumbledore scrapes back his chair and stands, surveying the students and smiling indulgently, “I don’t mean to stand hear and keep you from your beds and celebrations with an old man’s waffle.  I only wish to congratulate you all on a year well completed and thank you for making it as easy and special and as magical as it has been.  I would also like to remind you exam results are posted in the morning and the train to King’s Cross leaves at precisely noon.

    “I wish each of you a wonderful summer and look forward to seeing you all next term.”  He looked around the room once more and nodded, turning on his heel and taking a side door out of the hall.  The quiet persisted for perhaps a minute before McGonagall stood and the rest of the room broke out in the scraping sounds of benches moving and the murmurs of students as the awkward silence broke.

   
    Exam results were posted the next morning.  On average, Sirius scored the highest of all them, second highest of the year under Severus Snape, something he secretly vowed to fix next year.  Remus and James scored under him; Remus picking up higher results in Defence and James scoring top in Transfiguration, Peter even picked up fourth in Potions, scoring underneath Snape and Sirius and Lily Evans. 
    They boarded the train at half till noon and were off to London, off to home and summer and family.